The Top 10 Cinematic Universes: A Deranged Love Letter to Hollywood’s Biggest Cash Grabs

Movies. Franchises. Universes. Somewhere along the way, someone at a Hollywood board meeting decided, “Hey, what if instead of making one good movie, we made forty-eight mediocre ones that all connect like a cosmic orgy of capitalism?”And everyone nodded because no one in that room had a soul anymore.

Now here we are, trapped in a world where every damn movie needs a post-credit scene, three spin-offs, and a toy line you can buy at Target while quietly questioning your life choices.

And you know what? I love it.
Not because it’s good. No.
Because it’s a car crash I can’t look away from — a kaleidoscope of exploding skyscrapers, tragic backstories, and raccoons wielding machine guns.

But before we dive in, let’s get this straight:
This list won’t fix your life. It won’t bring back your ex. It won’t make your dad proud of you.
Hell, the only thing this list will do is give Google bots something to chew on before they choke themselves into oblivion.

Still, my editor’s breathing fire into my ass, my nicotine addiction has taken out a second mortgage, and I’m three shots of whiskey deep.

Today I’m taking you on a cinematic journey of cosmic proportions – Because the world will obviously collapse on itself if there isn’t one more blogger in it. We all yearn for the unmatched opinion of the scruffy 21 y.o. collage dropout that has learned a few fancy words from his sophisticated grandmother (derived from tirelessly analyzing and critiquing the mid-day news sessions) calling himself a writer. And here we are, yet another top-10 list, another blogger with a nicotine addiction that s bankrupting him into an early grave, and yet another blog that will be read only by the crawling bots at google. And even they wont like it, and probably will want to shoot themselves in their pretty little brains of code after being put through it. But what the hell. I’ve got an editor breathing fire into my ass, a $33,768.97642 in student loans, and enough alcohol in my system for the entire dorm in Harvard to yell out at 2:48 am “I don’t give a f*ck”.

So here it is: The Definitive Top 10 Cinematic Universes — Ranked by Chaos, Trauma, and Pure Vibes™.

10. The MonsterVerse – aka “Godzilla Punches Therapy Bills Into Oblivion”

There’s something deeply primal about watching two skyscraper-sized monsters punch each other while humanity stands around like useless ants. It’s cinematic poetry — if your definition of poetry involves nuclear lizards and gorillas playing whack-a-mole with city skylines.

The MonsterVerse doesn’t care about subtlety. It exists solely to answer the most important question mankind has ever asked: “What if Godzilla and King Kong fought while neon lights exploded like a rave on steroids?”

• Why it works: Sometimes dumb is good. Sometimes all you need is a 400-foot gorilla wielding an axe made from a lizard’s spine while a soundtrack of screeching violins and bass drops obliterates your eardrums.
• Why it sucks: Every scene with humans. The dialogue is like watching wet cardboard flirt with drywall.

Best consumed with alcohol and a total lack of self-respect.
Verdict: “Transformers, but with slightly fewer Shia LaBeoufs and 100% more monster daddy issues.”

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4. Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019) — “The Cinematic Equivalent of Screaming Into a Blender”

This movie is like ordering a pizza and getting a flaming trash can delivered to your house instead.
The trailers promised an epic monster battle royale. What we got was… dialogue. Endless, soul-sucking, “scientists explaining things nobody cares about” dialogue.

• Highlights: Godzilla fights Ghidorah while Rodan sets an entire city on fire. Those five minutes are pure bliss.
• Lowlights: The other 120 minutes, featuring Kyle Chandler doing his best impression of a wet towel.
• Rating: 3/10, saved only by monster roars and explosions.

Verdict: “I came for chaos and got a TED Talk about climate change instead.”

3. Kong: Skull Island (2017) — “Apocalypse Now, But With Monkeys”

This movie said, “What if we made King Kong fight giant skull-faced lizards while Samuel L. Jackson goes full crazy Vietnam vet mode?”
And honestly? It works… kind of.

• Strengths: The aesthetic is gorgeous — like a hallucinogenic 70s war film. Plus, a young Brie Larson before she became the internet’s favorite punching bag.
• Weaknesses: Everyone except Kong feels like they wandered onto set by accident. Tom Hiddleston looks like he has a strict “no fun allowed” clause in his contract.

Rating: 6.5/10, because Kong throws a tree through a helicopter like a baseball bat, and that alone is cinema.

2. Godzilla (2014) — “Let Them Fight… Eventually”

The first movie in the MonsterVerse is a slow burn.
Like, painfully slow.
It’s two hours of Bryan Cranston screaming about conspiracy theories while the monsters politely wait for the third act to show up.

• Good Stuff: Gareth Edwards knows how to shoot scale. When Godzilla finally appears, it’s breathtaking.
• Bad Stuff: Aaron Taylor-Johnson is so wooden he could be mistaken for a Jenga piece.

Rating: 7/10, for teasing greatness but delivering a glorified trailer for the sequels.

1. Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) — “The Dumbest, Greatest Thing Ever Filmed”

This movie slaps so hard it knocked two years off my life expectancy.
It’s pure, unfiltered chaos: a lizard with nuclear breath fights a giant monkey wielding an axe. There’s a subplot about a hollow Earth that makes no sense whatsoever, and by the end, Mechagodzilla shows up just to remind you that science fiction is basically a fever dream.

• Why it works: It never pretends to be smart. It knows you came for monster battles, and it delivers in neon-soaked glory.
• Why it’s dumb: Literally everything involving humans.

Rating: 9/10, because sometimes “stupid” is exactly what we need.

Verdict: “Cinema peaked here. Everything else is downhill.”

9. The Wizarding World – aka “Tax Evasion, Child Trauma, and British Wizards”

Once upon a time, this was pure magic. When you were eleven, you prayed for that Hogwarts letter, because deep down you believed life could still be whimsical.
Fast forward to now: your rent is due, your boss hates you, and J.K. Rowling is out here turning Twitter into a digital dumpster fire.

The Wizarding World gave us eight glorious films that defined a generation. Then, someone said, “Let’s make Fantastic Beasts,” and Hollywood collectively jumped off a cliff.

• Why it works: Nostalgia. Hogwarts still feels like home — a cozy deathtrap where every hallway wants to kill you.
• Why it sucks: Post-Deathly Hallows content has all the charm of a wet sock filled with tax documents. Also, Fantastic Beasts 3 was so boring that even Voldemort would rather stay dead.

Bottom line: Harry deserved better.
We all did.

11. Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022) — “Pain Manifested as Film”

Do you like fun? Joy? Cohesive storytelling?
Too bad.

This movie is a soulless, overstuffed mess where even the cast looks like they’re silently begging for death between takes. Mads Mikkelsen replaces Johnny Depp as Grindelwald and is the only saving grace — but even he can’t save this sinking ship.

• Best Part: The credits, because it means it’s over.
• Worst Part: Everything else.

Rating: 2/10. And that’s me being generous.

10. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018) — “The Crimes Against Cinema”

I’ve seen spreadsheets with more narrative cohesion than this film.
The plot twists feel like they were generated by a broken AI.

• Good Stuff: Johnny Depp’s weird charisma. Jude Law’s hot Dumbledore vibes.
• Bad Stuff: Literally every other second of the movie.

Rating: 3/10, mostly because Depp’s pale vampire chic aesthetic worked.

9. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016) — “Mediocre But Pretty”

This is where it all started to unravel.
The beasts are adorable. Eddie Redmayne mumbles through the movie like he’s narrating an ASMR video.
But deep down, you can feel the franchise straining under the weight of its own corporate greed.

• Pros: Nifflers. They’re cute, they steal shiny stuff, and they deserve their own spin-off.
• Cons: Everything else is aggressively “meh.”

Rating: 5/10, saved by magical creatures and Jude Law not being there yet to make us sad about what’s coming.

8. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) — “The Weird Middle Child”

Ah, the awkward middle stage where everyone’s voices are cracking and the CGI basilisk looks like it was rendered on a toaster.

• Good Stuff: Kenneth Branagh as Gilderoy Lockhart is comedy gold.
• Bad Stuff: Everything feels slightly off, like your favorite childhood memory after you realize you were just drunk on nostalgia.

Rating: 6.5/10.

7. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) — “Teen Drama and a Bad Haircut”

This movie spends two hours on teenage romance drama, then casually murders Dumbledore in the final act like it’s a side quest.
Also, WHY is everything so desaturated? Did someone forget to turn on the lights?

• Good Stuff: Alan Rickman. Always Alan Rickman.
• Bad Stuff: The pacing is absolute chaos.

Rating: 7/10, because the cave scene slaps.

6. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001) — “Baby’s First Magic Adventure”

The one that started it all.
Pure, innocent, and filled with wide-eyed wonder.
Also… painfully dated CGI.

• Good Stuff: The pure vibes. Hagrid’s beard. John Williams’ score making you believe in magic.
• Bad Stuff: Harry’s acting range, which is somewhere between “confused” and “confused but louder.”

Rating: 7.5/10.

5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) — “Teenagers Scream for Two Hours”

Cedric Diggory dies, Voldemort rises, and everyone has terrible haircuts.
It’s basically a fever dream.

• Good Stuff: The Triwizard Tournament.
• Bad Stuff: Ron Weasley spends half the movie sulking like a toddler denied candy.

Rating: 8/10, because that graveyard scene still gives me chills.

4. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) — “The Dolores Umbridge Hate Parade”

This movie’s entire purpose is to make you hate Dolores Umbridge more than any villain in cinema history.
Mission accomplished.

• Good Stuff: Dumbledore vs. Voldemort duel is pure cinematic glory.
• Bad Stuff: Everything feels rushed because they crammed the longest book into a 2-hour runtime.

Rating: 8.5/10.

3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) — “The Camping Trip From Hell”

Harry, Ron, and Hermione go camping for 2.5 hours while slowly losing their sanity.
It’s bleak, it’s tense, and it somehow works.

• Good Stuff: The animated Deathly Hallows story is gorgeous.
• Bad Stuff: It’s basically a road trip movie where everyone hates each other.

Rating: 9/10.

2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011) — “The Final Battle to End All Childhoods”

The emotional climax of a decade-long saga.
This movie wrecked me, healed me, and wrecked me again.

• Good Stuff: Snape’s memories. The Battle of Hogwarts. That perfect final shot.
• Bad Stuff: The epilogue makeup is so bad it feels like a parody.

Rating: 9.5/10.

1. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) — “Cinema’s True Patronus”

Alfonso Cuarón took this franchise and turned it into actual art.
Everything about this movie is perfect: the tone, the pacing, the time-travel twist.
It’s the Harry Potter movie you show someone to convince them the series wasn’t just a childhood fluke.

Rating: 10/10.
No notes. Pure cinema.

8. Star Wars – aka “A Galaxy Far, Far Away… From Narrative Coherence”

Oh, Star Wars. The franchise that birthed fandom culture and also cursed us with eternal discourse.

The original trilogy? A masterpiece of mythic storytelling.
The prequels? A political fever dream wrapped in CGI that aged like a banana in a tanning bed.
The sequels? A chaotic game of hot potato where directors passed plotlines around like unpaid interns.

• Why it works: Space wizards swinging glow sticks while a planet explodes. That John Williams score hits harder than your caffeine withdrawal at 7 a.m.
• Why it sucks: Too many spin-offs. When even a random stormtrooper gets a five-episode origin series, you know we’ve crossed the line.

The Mandalorian was cool until it became Baby Yoda: Merchandising Cash Cow Edition.
Somewhere out there, George Lucas is sipping wine, whispering, “I told you so,” while counting his billions.

11. The Rise of Skywalker (2019) — “Palpatine Somehow Returned, and So Did My Migraine”

This isn’t a movie.
This is two hours of corporate damage control stitched together with duct tape and bad nostalgia.

• Plot: JJ Abrams throws every idea at the wall and hopes fans are too distracted by lightsaber fights to notice nothing makes sense.
• Crimes Against Humanity: Palpatine comes back out of nowhere. Rey is a Palpatine. Kylo gets a rushed redemption arc.
• Best Part: The credits.
• Worst Part: The entire script.

Rating: 2/10.
“Somehow, this film returned. And it should’ve stayed buried.”

10. The Phantom Menace (1999) — “Podracing and Political Discourse”

You thought you were here for Jedi vs. Sith?
SURPRISE! You’re actually here for intergalactic trade negotiations and a talking CGI frog demon.

• Good Stuff: Darth Maul’s double-bladed lightsaber fight is legendary. Duel of the Fates is peak John Williams.
• Bad Stuff: Midichlorians. Jar Jar. Kid Anakin yelling, “Now THIS is podracing!” like a sugar-high toddler.

Rating: 4.5/10.
Watch the lightsaber duel on YouTube and skip the rest.

9. Attack of the Clones (2002) — “I Hate Sand, and This Movie”

The prequel where George Lucas decided dialogue is optional and green screens solve everything.

• Romance: Anakin seduces Padmé by whining about sand.
• Action: A CGI nightmare where no one looks like they’re actually in the same room.
• Best Part: Yoda busting out a lightsaber like a tiny green blender of death.

Rating: 5/10.
Bonus point for the hilarity of Hayden Christensen’s line delivery.

8. Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) — “The Spin-Off Nobody Asked For”

This movie answers a question no one ever asked:
“What was Han Solo like as a young man?”
Spoiler: Less cool.

• Strengths: Donald Glover as Lando is pure perfection.
• Weaknesses: Everything else is aggressively mediocre.

Rating: 6/10.
We didn’t need this, but at least it wasn’t painful.

7. Rogue One (2016) — “The Best Star Wars Movie With the Worst Characters”

This film’s final 30 minutes are so good they retroactively make A New Hope even better.
Everything before that?
A snooze-fest with characters you couldn’t care less about if you tried.

• Good Stuff: Darth Vader’s hallway scene is pure nightmare fuel.
• Bad Stuff: I had to Google half the character names immediately after watching.

Rating: 7.5/10.
A perfect ending stapled to a bland movie.

6. Return of the Jedi (1983) — “Ewoks vs. Empire”

The final film in the original trilogy is iconic… but also slightly goofy.
Like, teddy bears defeat stormtroopers goofy.

• Good Stuff: Vader’s redemption. The throne room duel. Luke’s black Jedi drip.
• Bad Stuff: Too many scenes on Tatooine and Ewoks playing bongos on stormtrooper helmets.

Rating: 8/10.
Bittersweet perfection wrapped in fur.

5. The Force Awakens (2015) — “Nostalgia: The Movie”

JJ Abrams plays it safe, basically remaking A New Hope but shinier.
It’s fun… until you realize this trilogy has no plan whatsoever.

• Good Stuff: Rey’s introduction. Kylo Ren’s temper tantrums. BB-8 being adorable.
• Bad Stuff: Starkiller Base is just Death Star 3.0.

Rating: 8/10.
The calm before the storm.

4. Revenge of the Sith (2005) — “Unlimited Power!”

The only prequel that fully delivers on the promise of tragedy.
It’s melodramatic, over-the-top, and absolutely perfect.

• Good Stuff: The “Execute Order 66” montage still gives chills.
• Bad Stuff: Padmé “dies of sadness,” which is just dumb.

Rating: 9/10.
Peak prequel chaos.

3. The Last Jedi (2017) — “The Most Divisive Film Ever”

Rian Johnson said, “Screw your fan theories,” and then burned them to the ground.

• Good Stuff: Stunning visuals. Luke drinking space milk like an unhinged hermit.
• Bad Stuff: The casino subplot drags like a Windows XP loading screen.

Rating: 9/10.
Messy, bold, unforgettable.

2. A New Hope (1977) — “The Birth of Modern Blockbusters”

Without this film, cinematic universes wouldn’t exist.
It’s simple, pure, and endlessly rewatchable.

Rating: 9.5/10.
This is where the legend began.

1. The Empire Strikes Back (1980) — “Cinema’s True Emperor”

The gold standard.
The twist.
The atmosphere.
The pain.

Everything about Empire is flawless, and it remains one of the greatest sequels ever made.

Rating: 10/10.
Perfection. Bow before Vader.

Star Wars Summary:

• Peak Moments: Vader’s redemption, Luke vs. Vader, Rogue One’s ending.
• Low Points: Rise of Skywalker’s chaotic dumpster fire.
• Overall Chaos Factor: 8/10, boosted by decades of fandom wars.

7. The DCEU – aka “The Dumpster Fire That Sometimes Smells Like Art”

The DC Extended Universe is that one kid in high school who’s brilliant but also constantly sets themselves on fire for attention.

For every The Batman or Joker that oozes cinematic brilliance, there’s a Suicide Squad (2016) lurking in the shadows, whispering, “Hey, remember me? I’m pain incarnate.”

• Pros: When DC gets it right, it really gets it right. Zack Snyder’s Justice League is four hours of beautifully deranged chaos that somehow works.
• Cons: Studio interference. Why does every DC movie feel like three scripts mashed together by a raccoon with ADHD?

If Marvel is a well-oiled machine, DC is a blender full of loose screws and live grenades.
But sometimes, explosions are beautiful.

13. Suicide Squad (2016) — “The Trailer Lied to Us”

This movie is a crime against editing.
It feels like five different directors were fighting in the editing room with machetes.

• Good Stuff: Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn.
• Bad Stuff: Jared Leto’s Joker. Literally everything else.

Rating: 2/10.
A neon nightmare.

12. Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) — “Monkey’s Paw, But Make It Boring”

This film is like a magic wish gone wrong.
Every choice somehow makes things worse.

• Good Stuff: Pedro Pascal hamming it up as a sleazy businessman.
• Bad Stuff: The plot, the pacing, the “rape-by-possession” subplot no one talks about.

Rating: 3/10.
Justice for Diana. She deserved better.

11. Justice League (2017) — “The Corporate Frankenstein Cut”

This is the version Warner Bros. shoved into theaters like a wounded animal.
It’s ugly, soulless, and full of forced jokes that land with the grace of a brick.

Rating: 4/10.
Only exists to make Snyder’s cut look like divine art.

10. Black Adam (2022) — “Dwayne Johnson’s Ego: The Movie”

The Rock promised to “change the hierarchy of power in the DC Universe.”
He did not.

• Good Stuff: The Justice Society has potential.
• Bad Stuff: The Rock plays The Rock with lightning powers.

Rating: 5/10.
Mediocre to its core.

9. Birds of Prey (2020) — “Harley Quinn’s Glitter-Covered Fever Dream”

A chaotic, fun, but uneven ride.
Margot Robbie carries the entire film on her back like a deranged circus ringmaster.

Rating: 6.5/10.
The egg sandwich scene deserves an Oscar.

8. Aquaman (2018) — “Moist Fast & Furious”

Jason Momoa turns Aquaman from a joke into a rock star.
The movie is dumb as hell, but gloriously dumb.

Rating: 7/10.
The underwater battle scene is pure spectacle.

7. The Flash (2023) — “Time Travel and Ezra Miller Problems”

This was supposed to reset the DCEU.
Instead, it doubled down on the chaos.

• Good Stuff: Michael Keaton back as Batman.
• Bad Stuff: CGI babies. Ezra Miller being… Ezra Miller.

Rating: 6.5/10.
At least Keaton said, “Let’s get nuts.”

6. Shazam! (2019) — “Big, But With Superpowers”

A rare bright spot in the DCEU’s storm cloud.
It’s charming, funny, and surprisingly heartfelt.

Rating: 7.5/10.
Sometimes simple works best.

5. Man of Steel (2013) — “Zack Snyder’s Jesus Complex”

The movie that started it all.
Gorgeous visuals, epic fights, and a Superman so brooding he could give Batman a run for his money.

Rating: 8/10.
Divisive, but bold.

4. The Batman (2022) — “Nirvana-Core Perfection”

Technically part of DC’s multiverse chaos, but we’re counting it because it’s too damn good to ignore.
Robert Pattinson’s emo Batman broods, fights, and solves crimes like a gothic Sherlock Holmes.

Rating: 9/10.
“I’m vengeance.” chills

3. Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021) — “Four Hours of Pure Chaos”

Snyder got his redemption arc, and it paid off.
This version is epic, emotional, and actually makes sense.

Rating: 9/10.
Worth every second of its absurd runtime.

2. Joker (2019) — “Send in the Clowns”

Todd Phillips accidentally made a masterpiece while trying to imitate Scorsese.
Joaquin Phoenix delivers a performance so intense it makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Rating: 9.5/10.
Disturbing and unforgettable.

1. Wonder Woman (2017) — “The Rare DC Miracle”

Patty Jenkins gave us one perfect superhero film before the studio crushed her dreams.
The No Man’s Land sequence?
Literal goosebumps.

Rating: 10/10.
The high point of the entire franchise.

DCEU Summary:

• Peak Moments: No Man’s Land, Joker’s laugh, Snyder’s redemption.
• Low Points: Jared Leto’s Joker, CGI babies, corporate meddling.
• Overall Chaos Factor: 9/10.
  The only thing consistent about the DCEU is its inconsistency.

6. The Spider-Verse – aka “Animated Art That Slapped the Multiverse Awake”

Forget the MCU’s endless multiverse shenanigans. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is the multiverse.
It didn’t just raise the bar for animated films — it nuked the bar and built a new one out of neon graffiti and pure heart.

• Why it works: Every frame is art. The soundtrack slaps. The writing understands Spider-Man better than Sony’s last six live-action attempts combined.
• Why it sucks: It doesn’t. The only tragedy here is knowing that Sony will eventually milk this masterpiece until it’s a dry, sad husk of its former glory.

Miles Morales deserves protection at all costs.
Sony executives? Not so much.

Why the Spider-Verse Gets a Free Pass (Because It’s Too Damn Perfect)

The Spider-Verse movies aren’t included because there’s no point in ranking them — they’d automatically take the top spot, and then what would be left for the rest of these sad, sweaty franchises? Into the Spider-Verse and Across the Spider-Verse are so absurdly good they make every other superhero film look like it was storyboarded by a hungover raccoon. Also, there are only two movies so far, which makes “ranking” them about as thrilling as debating whether pizza or pizza with extra cheese is better. Spoiler: they’re both perfect, and Sony will eventually milk them into oblivion, but for now? These masterpieces stand apart, untouchable, like Miles Morales swinging past the wreckage of lesser franchises.

5. The John Wick-verse – aka “Bullets, Blood, and Puppy Vengeance”

It started simple: man loses puppy, man kills everyone responsible.
Now, it’s a sprawling mythology of assassin hotels, secret coins, and more rules than a Dungeons & Dragons manual.

The action sequences are so beautiful they belong in a museum. Keanu Reeves moves like a ballet dancer, if ballet dancers carried AR-15s and threw knives with surgical precision.

• Why it works: The stunts. The fights. The world-building. Keanu Reeves being a literal immortal angel sent to bless us.
• Why it sucks: The lore is getting so convoluted you’ll need a PhD in Gun-Fu Studies just to follow along by the fifth movie.

At this rate, John Wick 7 will involve intergalactic space assassins and a crossover with Fast & Furious.

5. Ballerina (2025) — “Pirouettes, Pistols, and Pure Mayhem”

Ana de Armas pirouettes into the spotlight as Rooney, a ballerina trained by the same Russian crime family that molded young John Wick into a murder god.
This spin-off is set between John Wick: Chapter 3 and Chapter 4, filling in a hidden corner of the underworld while expanding the mythology even further.

• The Vibe: Imagine Black Swan, but Natalie Portman breaks someone’s spine mid-pirouette and the feathers are made of shrapnel.
• Highlights: Ana de Armas is a revelation — graceful, brutal, and somehow making ballet look even deadlier than Keanu’s pencil tricks.
• Cameos: Keanu Reeves himself shows up for a limited but impactful role, reminding us why Baba Yaga is still king.
• Weaknesses: The plot gets a little too tangled in High Table politics, but who cares when the fight choreography is this elegant?

Rating: 8.5/10
This isn’t a side story. It’s proof the Wick-Verse can thrive without John at the center — as long as every assassin moonlights as a prima ballerina.

Verdict: “Swan Lake meets bullet storm. I’m buying tickets for the sequel.”

4. John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023) — “The Magnum Opus of Bullet Ballet”

Chapter 4 isn’t a movie — it’s a religious experience.
From Osaka’s neon-lit carnage to the staircase fight in Paris, every set piece feels like a painting in blood and muzzle flash.

• Standouts:
  • The dragon’s breath shotgun sequence is a video game fever dream.
  • Donnie Yen as a blind assassin steals every scene.
  • Bill Skarsgård channels pure Eurotrash villain energy.

Keanu Reeves barely speaks, and that’s perfect.
Why waste words when you can say everything with a perfectly aimed headshot?

Rating: 10/10
Cinema didn’t just peak — it got a bulletproof vest and became a religion.

3. John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019) — “Knives, Horses, and Dog-Assisted Murder”

Chapter 3 is where the Wick-Verse leapt from reality into mythology.
Suddenly, the High Table isn’t just a shady organization — it’s a global cult with rules so strict they make Catholicism look chill.

• High Points:
  • Keanu killing men with books and horses.
  • Halle Berry’s dogs performing synchronized attack ballet on enemy groins.
  • That entire glass room fight — pure visual candy.
• Low Points: The desert subplot slows the movie down like a sandstorm in molasses.

Rating: 9/10
Messy, wild, but utterly unforgettable.

2. John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017) — “The Expansion Pack of Death”

Chapter 2 turned Wick from a vengeful man into a living myth.
We get our first real taste of the High Table, the Continental’s deeper rules, and John in full “unstoppable boogeyman” mode.

• Key Moments:
  • The museum mirror maze shootout, which looks like a homicidal art exhibit.
  • Common’s silent duel with Keanu on a train — pure cool.
• Flaws: Slightly too much setup for future movies, but still sleek as hell.

Rating: 9/10
This is where the Wick-Verse became a global phenomenon.

1. John Wick (2014) — “The Dog, The Myth, The Legend”

The one that started it all.
A simple, almost primal story:
They killed his puppy.
He killed their entire bloodline.

• Why It Works: The minimalism.
  No convoluted lore, no High Table drama — just pure, righteous vengeance.
• Why It Hurts: That puppy scene still breaks even the coldest hearts.

Rating: 10/10
Sacred text. Cinema in its purest, most violent form.

Wick-Verse Final Rankings:

1. John Wick (2014) – 10/10
2. Chapter 4 (2023) – 10/10
3. Chapter 2 (2017) – 9/10
4. Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019) – 9/10
5. Ballerina (2025) – 8.5/10

PS: Why Ballerina Matters: The Future of the Wick-Verse

The John Wick saga could’ve easily ended with Chapter 4’s near-perfect finale, but Ballerina proves there’s more blood to spill — and more ballet shoes to shred.

• It expands the Ruska Roma, the shadowy ballet-training family that raised John.
• It cements the Wick-Verse as a shared world, with potential spin-offs involving other Continentals, different assassins, and maybe even a prequel about young Winston building his empire.
• It keeps Keanu relevant, even if he eventually steps back as the main character.

The Wick-Verse is no longer just John’s story.
It’s a global underground network of murderers with etiquette and style, and Ballerina proves that even a pirouette can be fatal.

4. The Mad Max Universe – aka “The Apocalypse, but Make It Fashion”

George Miller didn’t just direct Mad Max: Fury Road — he unleashed a cinematic fever dream.
It’s a symphony of fire, sand, and chrome. A movie where people literally worship steering wheels while a blind guitarist shoots flames into the desert sky.

• Why it works: Practical effects, visionary direction, and a world so immersive you can smell the gasoline through the screen.
• Why it sucks: Someday, Hollywood will greenlight Baby Furiosa and ruin everything.

Until then, we can all shout “WITNESS ME!” while spray-painting our mouths silver and pretending we’re cooler than we actually are.

4. Mad Max (1979) — “Before the Chrome, There Was Just Dust”

The original is gritty, low-budget, and almost unrecognizable compared to the sequels.
Mel Gibson stars as a cop trying to survive in a collapsing world.

• Good Stuff: Sets the tone for what’s to come.
• Bad Stuff: Slow pacing and weird editing make it feel like a student film at times.

Rating: 6.5/10
Historical artifact more than pure entertainment.

3. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) — “Two Men Enter, One Meme Leaves”

This is the weird one.
Tina Turner runs a post-apocalyptic gladiator arena, and somehow, it works.

• Good Stuff: The Thunderdome fight is legendary.
• Bad Stuff: The feral children subplot feels like a rejected Hook script.

Rating: 7/10
Madness, but at least it’s fun madness.

2. Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) — “The Real Beginning of the Chaos”

This is where Mad Max truly became Mad Max.
Leather outfits, insane car chases, and characters who look like they raided a BDSM convention.

Rating: 9/10
Pure, stripped-down action cinema.

1. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) — “Witness Me!”

One of the greatest action movies ever made.
George Miller, at 70 years old, said,
“I’m going to out-direct every young hotshot in Hollywood,”
and he did.

• The War Rig chase: Iconic.
• Charlize Theron as Furiosa: Iconic.
• The Doof Warrior shredding a flaming guitar while strapped to a truck: Peak cinema.

Rating: 11/10
Beyond perfection. Beyond gasoline. Beyond sanity.

Mad Max Chaos Factor: 10/10
It’s like Fast & Furious dropped acid and decided to overthrow society.

3. The MCU – aka “The Mouse Owns Your Soul”

Love it or hate it, Marvel did the impossible: they turned obscure comic book characters into billion-dollar cultural icons.
Iron Man went from a B-tier hero to a household name.
Thanos became a meme AND a serious villain.
And then… Phase Four happened.

• Why it works: The first three phases were lightning in a bottle. Infinity War and Endgame were global events. For a brief moment, the entire planet collectively screamed “Avengers, assemble!” and meant it.
• Why it sucks: The multiverse saga feels like watching drunk toddlers smash action figures together while mumbling about timelines.

At this point, the MCU is less about storytelling and more about Kevin Feige staring at a whiteboard, whispering, “Consume, my pretties, consume.”

Why the MCU Films Aren’t Here (Because I Like My Sanity Intact)

Look, ranking the MCU would require an entire separate internet, three Google Sheets, and enough caffeine to kill a small horse. There are so many movies, TV shows, and “special presentations” that it’s basically Marvel’s own multiverse of corporate content. If I tried to rank every single one, this article would be 1,500 pages long, and by the time I finished, Disney would’ve pumped out six more projects starring background characters you don’t even remember. Plus, the MCU isn’t a cinematic universe anymore — it’s a cinematic galaxy cluster, collapsing under its own weight while Kevin Feige stares at a whiteboard like Charlie Day in that meme. So yeah, we’re skipping it. Consider this an act of mercy… for both of us.

2. The Lord of the Rings Universe – aka “The Only Franchise That Earned the Word Epic”

Peter Jackson didn’t make movies.
He built a myth.
Middle-earth feels so real you half-expect to find hobbits living in your neighbor’s garden.

• Why it works: Practical effects. Breathtaking landscapes. A cast so perfect it feels like divine intervention. Return of the King didn’t just win Oscars — it conquered them like Aragorn charging at the Black Gate.
• Why it sucks: Amazon’s Rings of Power exists, and we’re all pretending we didn’t binge-watch it out of spite.

Fun fact: If you play Concerning Hobbits loud enough, your depression disappears. Temporarily.

6. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014) — “The Cash Grab to End All Cash Grabs”

This movie is literally one giant battle, stretched out like butter scraped over too much bread.
And not the good kind of butter — the weird margarine your grandma buys that smells like defeat.

• Good Stuff: Smaug’s opening sequence is badass.
• Bad Stuff: Everything after that. Bloated CGI carnage with no emotional weight.

Rating: 4/10
Even Gandalf couldn’t save this one.

5. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013) — “Benedict Cumberdragon Saves the Day”

This is where things briefly get interesting.
The scenes with Smaug are incredible — a masterclass in motion capture and dragon sass.
Unfortunately, the rest of the movie exists.

• Strengths: Bilbo’s interaction with Smaug is pure cinema.
• Weaknesses: That endless elf-dwarf love triangle no one asked for.

Rating: 6/10
If this was just the dragon scenes, it’d be a 10. Too bad there’s another two hours of filler.

4. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) — “The Beginning of the End”

This movie actually feels like it has a soul.
The Shire is cozy, the dwarves are fun, and Martin Freeman nails Bilbo.
But you can already feel the studio’s cold, greedy fingers strangling the story.

Rating: 7/10
A solid, if uneven, return to Middle-earth.

3. The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) — “A Perfect Beginning”

Peter Jackson changed cinema with this movie.
Every shot feels handcrafted, every costume woven with love and tears.
Also, Sean Bean dies beautifully, as is tradition.

Rating: 9.5/10
The journey begins, and you’re already crying.

2. The Two Towers (2002) — “Helm’s Deep and the Rise of Gollum”

This film takes everything great about Fellowship and amps it up.
Helm’s Deep is one of the greatest battle sequences ever filmed.
Gollum? Groundbreaking CGI and heartbreaking storytelling.

Rating: 10/10
The perfect middle chapter.

1. The Return of the King (2003) — “Cinema’s Crown Jewel”

This isn’t just a movie — it’s modern myth-making.
It’s so good it won 11 Oscars, because the Academy literally had no other way to express their awe.

• The Ending: Yes, it has too many endings. Shut up. It’s earned.
• The Feels: Aragorn’s speech before the Black Gate will have you charging into battle with a Nerf sword.

Rating: 11/10
Beyond perfection. We will never see its like again.

Middle-earth Chaos Factor: 8.5/10
The Hobbit trilogy drags it down, but the original trilogy is untouchable.

1. The Dark Knight Trilogy – aka “Cinema’s Last Pure Hero”

Technically, this isn’t a cinematic universe — but screw it. Nolan’s Batman trilogy exists on a higher plane of existence.
It’s proof that superhero movies can be art, that explosions can have gravitas, and that Heath Ledger’s Joker will haunt your dreams forever.

• Why it works: It’s grounded, gritty, and perfectly executed. Each film feels handcrafted by a director who actually gave a damn.
• Why it sucks: It ended. Because nothing gold can stay, Ponyboy.

Every other superhero franchise is still chasing Nolan’s shadow, and failing miserably.

3. The Dark Knight Rises (2012) — “The One With the Weird Bane Voice”

This movie is… complicated.
Tom Hardy’s Bane is iconic, but you can’t understand half of what he says without subtitles.

• Good Stuff: That opening plane hijacking is pure Nolan madness.
• Bad Stuff: Plot holes so big you could drive the Batmobile through them.

Rating: 8/10
A flawed but satisfying conclusion.

2. Batman Begins (2005) — “The Origin Story That Didn’t Suck”

Before Nolan, superhero origins were corny as hell.
This movie changed the game.
Christian Bale’s Batman feels real, and Liam Neeson as Ra’s al Ghul is legendary.

Rating: 9/10
A perfect foundation for what’s to come.

1. The Dark Knight (2008) — “Chaos Has a Face, and It’s Painted”

Heath Ledger’s Joker didn’t just steal the show — he became the show.
Every scene crackles with tension.
Every line is quotable.
Every shot is pure cinematic perfection.

Rating: 11/10
The greatest superhero movie ever made.
Fight me.

Dark Knight Chaos Factor: 10/10
Controlled chaos, elevated to art.

Final Chaos Recap — Every Universe Ranked

Here’s the definitive, unhinged ranking of cinematic universes and their madness:

Final Thoughts: Hollywood’s Endless Circus

Cinematic universes are Hollywood’s ultimate con.
They dangle nostalgia in front of us like a shiny toy, whispering, “You love these characters. You need to see what happens next.”

And we fall for it every damn time.
Because deep down, we’re all still kids — kids who want to believe in magic, in heroes, in lizards punching gorillas while skyscrapers crumble.

Will Hollywood stop milking these universes dry?
Absolutely not.
They’ll keep churning out sequels until our grandchildren are watching Iron Man 57: Tony Stark’s Ghost Gets a TikTok Account.

And we’ll be there.
Popcorn in hand.
Screaming, laughing, crying — and wondering why the hell we still care.

Verdict:
Cinematic universes are messy, chaotic, and often terrible.
But like a toxic ex, they keep pulling us back in.
Because sometimes, chaos is exactly what we need.